Why I Stopped Blogging, Acting and Living in LA and Yet This is A Happy Post

Hi! Remember me? Maybe not since it’s been two full years + nine days since I’ve posted, and I’ve accumulated some epidermal wisdom aka wrinkles in the process. So what the f took me so long? Well, various things. I started this blog as a 21 (!) year girl who wanted – correction: was obsessed with/desperately needed – to move to Los Angeles to become an actress. I started it during a time when blogs were fairly new and not everyone above 11 and their dog wrote op-eds on TV show episodes yet. I chronicled everything from visa drama to acting classes to motorcycle accidents, and tried to help other artists who wanted to move to Los Angeles. Fast-forward and I’m now a 29 (!!) year old woman who lives in Amsterdam, is not pursuing acting anymore and has a lot more perspective and mental stability – most of the time anyway. So, what’s the story? Have I become a bitter quitter and is this gonna be a “just give up already” post?

Nuh-uh!

This is gonna be a “know thyself” post that will help you find true happiness and eternal bliss. Kidding. But if you’re someone who’s die-hard pursuing something it might help you reflect and make yourself a little more content. Still a lofty promise, perhaps, but lemme explain…

April 9th, 2018|Categories: Amsterdam, Los Angeles|Tags: , , , |11 Comments

Why You Shouldn’t Wait For Your Breakthrough

Screen shot 2011-04-26 at 6.46.14 PMOnce I have my breakthrough, then I’ll  spend more time with my family. Once I have my breakthrough, then I’ll take ballet classes. Once I have my breakthrough, then I will start traveling again. Once I have my breakthrough, then I’ll be happy.

It’s a philosophy many ambitious aspiring anythings (including myself) subscribe to. Especially in LaLaLand. Because once you have that breakthrough, you’ll have money. And job security. And a feeling of accomplishment that eliminates jealousy and brings on a constant state of contentedness. Right?

Obviously I can’t speak from experience since I haven’t had my own personal breakthrough but I’ve seen and heard things. And I’d like to think I can empathize pretty well. I am a writer after all. So sure, while professional success does usually come with more money and a higher degree of being able to do what you love, here’s why breakthroughs aren’t all they’re cracked up to be…

February 17th, 2016|Categories: Los Angeles|Tags: , |5 Comments

Big News: A Confession

Screen Shot 2015-09-08 at 6.51.16 PMForgive me, acting Gods and blog readers, for I have sinned. You see, although I’ve had a faint inkling for the last year and a half, the past six months have solidified a long standing hypothesis of mine into a full fledged, life changing truth.

I have discovered something about myself that in hindsight makes so much sense, yet took a lot for me to accept considering the last five years of my life and, well, the entirety of this blog. So behold here a baffling revelation and some brutal honesty (which I may regret when the effects of this glass of wine wind off…)

September 9th, 2015|Categories: Los Angeles|Tags: , |9 Comments

You Can Now Finally See My Short Film “If.”

“Flirting with brilliance.” “Powerful, moving.” “Goosebumps.” Remember when I wrote, produced and starred in a  short film? Those are some of the reviews we received! The days on set were some of the happiest of my life and made me realize I want to make films, not just act in them. After screenings throughout Holland and LaLaLand, we have finally decided to put the film online. You can watch our labor of love below. And if you have strong feelings about it, rate it on IMDb!

But before you watch I want to again thank my friends, family, the cast, crew and everybody else who made this possible. It was a dream.

October 4th, 2015|Categories: Los Angeles|Tags: , , , |12 Comments

Los Angeles: Expectations Versus Reality

me on my bicycle in LAThe end of 2014 marked 1,5 years in Los Angeles for me, or halfway through the stay my O1B visa allows. People often ask me if LaLaLand is what I thought it would be. After going through all that trouble to get here, does it live up to expectations? Well, I’m still not married to a 90 year old producer/sugar daddy, so I guess it’s been a major letdown…I kid!

No, in al honesty, it’s a bit of a difficult question, since I kind of gradually eased into LA. I ‘ve been to Los Angeles as a 17 year old tourist with my family in tow, as a 19 and 20 year old University of Amsterdam student escaping the summers to take acting classes, as a 22 year old to chase a visa for 8 months long, and as a 23 year old to try one final time. So  I guess the proper way to phrase the question is: How did the final move to LA and hustle to become a working actress compare to the one playing in my imagination right before? Well, tell you I shall…

February 23rd, 2015|Categories: Los Angeles|Tags: , , |20 Comments

Three Ways My Acting Journey Made Me A Better Person

three ways becoming an actress made me a better personSometimes I ride my bicycle uphill to my apartment, straight towards the Hollywood sign, and I’m just in awe of what my life has become. Of the fact I actually spend my days working from home and coffee shops, doing auditions, discussing movies, meeting new people… The fact that riding a hot pink scooter through the Hollywood Hills is part of my weekly routine, that the words Los Angeles are in my address. I think about where I was 5 or 10 years ago, and I’m not so much proud of how my environment has changed, but how I have changed. I am such a different person. Granted, each person goes through a ton of personal development in their twenties , but there are certain things I credit my dream of becoming an actress with. This ongoing journey – while crazy and sometimes soul crushing – has definitely made me a better person…

November 12th, 2014|Categories: Los Angeles|Tags: |3 Comments

Actors Leaving LA & Why Success Doesn’t Equal Happiness

by Vinyl Disco at DeviantArtOn May 31st was my first LA anniversary. Yup, it’s been one full year since I stepped on the plane in Amsterdam and left my old life behind. It was little different than I thought it would be, since May was possibly the worst month of my LA life so far. In the span of just one month I got into a pretty bad accident with my one month old motorcycle, had to deal with the financially and emotionally draining aftermath, got hit by a car on my bicycle, slipped with my new motorcycle and both my phone and laptop died. But what matters is that my LAnniversary made me think of all the people that come here, and then leave within one or two years. And the people that come here, and stay. For years and years, sometimes without ever  “making it.” It made me wonder which of these people I would belong to…

June 20th, 2014|Categories: Los Angeles|Tags: |17 Comments

Behind The Scenes of Samson!

Remember when I wrote, produced and acted in my own short? I was pretty much on cloud nine throughout whole thing (and had a little trouble adjusting back to normal life after nearly two months of working on the short full time). We had an amazing crew, a great atmosphere on set, and got 50% of our funding through generous donations of awesome people. To inspire you to create you own projects as well, here’s a little behind the scenes video of the making of Samson

February 4th, 2014|Categories: Los Angeles, News|Tags: , , , , |12 Comments

The Beginner’s Guide to Pilot Season in LA

Aaaand I’m back in Los Angeles. After spending a month eating lotsa Doritos, mayonaise and chocolate,  being surrounded by family and friends and cold weather I’m back in my own little apartment in the Hollywood heat. This was the first time I returned to LA -as in went home- instead of returning to the Netherlands, and it’s been a little strange readjusting.  There’s just zero overlap between my life in Holland and my life in Hollywood, like they’re two different universes that only exist when I’m there.

It’s also the first time I’m in LA for pilot season. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term: Pilot season is the season when all TV show pilots get cast and produced. And that’s an infinite amount more than what you end up seeing on TV. I’m a newbie to pilot season myself, but got a very helpful breakdown in my acting class at Lesly Kahn. So here’s a what happens to actors during pilot season in Los Angeles…

January 18th, 2014|Categories: Los Angeles|Tags: , , |10 Comments

Live From Cloud Nine: A Big List of Thank You’s

It has officially happened: the first time a screenplay I wrote got made into a film! Uh-huh, last weekend we filmed my short Samson. The weeks leading up to it may have left me broke and bipolar, but it was worth it. More than that, it was one of the best experiences of my life; the magic of twenty plus people coming together to create something I wrote, of every single person on set being awesome and talented and dedicated, of realizing how ridiculously lucky I am when it comes to the people I meet…

Honestly, no matter how many people say LA people are fake or shallow or  jaded, I can only vouch for the contrary. Because even though we didn’t get full funding, I’ve gotten help in so many ways from the people around me, it makes me all dramatic and gooey inside. The to-thank-when-I-win-my-Oscar-list is growing impossibly long,  so I want to use this post to thank some awesome people and give you faith in humanity just in time for the holidays!

December 10th, 2013|Categories: Los Angeles|Tags: , , |4 Comments