“If you pull the string too tight, it will snap. If you leave it too slack, it will not play.” So said Buddha. At least according to the movie Little Buddha which I watched for no other reason than my gigantic teenage crush on Keanu Reeves. The message stuck though: moderation is important. And something I’m very shitty at.

I never just like a TV show; I love and obsess over it until it consumes my every waking thought and I start writing fanfic. I don’t just start ballet classes; I practice until I literally can’t sleep for days because my legs hurt so much. I don’t just want to become an actor; I uproot my entire life and spend three years and all my money to try it in Hollywood.

I either overcommit or behave like a spoiled child that’s forced to do something it doesn’t want to. For me, it’s usually all or nothing. And that, while at times incredibly awesome and productive, can also be quite problematic.

I’ve hesitated a long time to write this post. I put tremendous value on honesty – probably to a fault. Yet I couldn’t see the point of writing something sad or negative. Because even on my darkest days, I always know the sun is waiting to come out from behind them clouds, a lesson is waiting to be learned. And those are the things I find worth sharing. I wanted to wait until I had some sort of clarity, found some deeper purpose for putting my heart out there in the open. But I think I found it, so here it is: some raw honesty about my life as an actress in LA – for your education, or perhaps entertainment.